Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
