So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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