i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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