I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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