It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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