I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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