I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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