in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
