just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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