How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
