So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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