i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
