Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
