there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
