During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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