I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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