I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
