Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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