My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
