Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
