I will die if light touches me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
