And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
