I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
