i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
