So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
