Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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