I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize