He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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