Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
