He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
