you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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