I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We need to rekindle our bromance
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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