I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
