update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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