oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
