I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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