im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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