If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
