He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
