It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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