Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
