There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
