And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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