I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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