Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
