did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
