i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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