1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
