Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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