He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who died my cat blue again?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
