mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
