census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
