I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
