so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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