Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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