You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Found the puke drawer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
