Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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