Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
