Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
