Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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