True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize