Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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