We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize