Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
