Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
