Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
