i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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