I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
