So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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