In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
