from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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