If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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